Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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