I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
