Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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