I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
