I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
