Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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