go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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