im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
