My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
