I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
