The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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