its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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