i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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