Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He shit in the fireplace
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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