I wish my penis had an off switch
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the condom got lost in my hair
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
