You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
