I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
