Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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