mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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