Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
