Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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