I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I understand Curling. That high.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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