I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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