I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
