so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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