So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
