Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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