note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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