this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
