Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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