Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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