Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
