Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Welp...herpes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
