dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
