I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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