I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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