Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
