just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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