I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm getting married
To pizza
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize