I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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