On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
