just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
