Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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