17 year olds will be the death of me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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