life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
