All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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