my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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