yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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