Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
