her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
