I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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