Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will be naked everywhere
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
