I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry my hands just texted you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
