It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
