This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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