Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
