I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
