I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
