i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
