I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
