I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I love having hate sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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