dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
